Only a mothe r could love this liver
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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