Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
