i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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