@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
