I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
