This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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