remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
