I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
