My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
