Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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