You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
