PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
