ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
