nut hugger
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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