I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
honey bunches of taint.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
