We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
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