i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
