I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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