the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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