I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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