Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
