There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
