So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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