I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
