WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You took a bar mat shot.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
