I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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