I've blown a few things in my day
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
