I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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