So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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