so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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