you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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