I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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