we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
