wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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