being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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