Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
