I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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