the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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