Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
