Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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