So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
