I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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