going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
