Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
