She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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