I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
