Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
