i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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