FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
