i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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