So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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