i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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