then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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