as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
