Your mouth is God's brothel.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I need to stop coming to work sober
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
