No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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