I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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