someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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