he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
